How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes

How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes

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• Author: Shortform
• Full_Title: How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes
• Category: books
• Last Highlighted Date: 2024-02-07 12:18:05.765603+00:00

Highlights

• when they’re sure that you like them, they feel at ease around you and enjoy your company—they like you because you make it easy for them to feel good about themselves.
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• The more uncomfortable you feel, the more likely you are to unconsciously emit nonverbal and verbal “I don’t like you” signals—thus repelling the very people you wish to engage with.
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• Likewise, people make assumptions about whether they want to talk to you as soon as they set their eyes on you.
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• 11 Types of Body Language Vanessa Van Edwards (Cues) expands on Lowndes’ discussion of nonverbal cues by explaining that there are 11 different types of body language—each emitting signals about the way you feel. Facial expressions: There are seven universal microexpressions that reveal your hidden emotions. Body proxemics: Your general movements reveal a lot about your preferences and how nervous you feel. Hand gestures: People read into the way you use your hands to express your emotions, tell stories, or comfort yourself. Ornaments: Your clothes and accessories—and the way you interact with them—are extensions of your body language. Interest: You express your interest in others by using subtle signals, such as flicking your hair, and obvious signals, such as winking or smiling.
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• Technique #1: Stand Tall According to Lowndes, people interpret poor posture as an unwelcoming signal. Trying to minimize your physical presence by slumping implies that you’re insecure or ashamed and don’t want to be approached. On the other hand, people interpret good posture as a welcoming signal because it implies that you’re proud and confident and have nothing to hide. This tricks them into assuming that you’re an accomplished person who deserves their attention.
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• echnique #2: Relax and Remove Physical Barriers Lowndes claims that people interpret fidgeting and guarded movements as insincerity because they make you look suspicious and defensive: Fidgety movements, such as shuffling your feet or touching your face, come across as signs of discomfort, tension, or distraction. Guarded movements, such as folding your arms or clutching something in front of your body, also convey discomfort. Additionally, they give the impression that you’re placing barriers between yourself and other people.
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• On the other hand, Lowndes argues, people interpret a relaxed and open stance as a sign of an honest and welcoming personality because it signals that you’re calm, unafraid of appearing vulnerable (because you have nothing to hide), and approachable. To come across as calm, self-assured, and trustworthy, practice keeping your arms loosely by your sides with your palms and wrists faced upwards. If you’re approached by people you want to talk to, turn your body totally towards them to show them they’ve got your full attention—this implies that you’re happy to be in their company and puts them at ease.
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• 18 Fidgety and Guarded Movement to Avoid Marc Chernoff, author of Getting Back To Happy, expands on what Lowndes has to say about fidgety and guarded movements. He provides a list of 18 gestures that you should avoid doing around the people you want to talk to and explains the signals each sends: Holding objects in front of your body: This indicates shyness, resistance, and a need to separate yourself from others. Instead, carry objects by your side. Checking the time or inspecting your fingernails: This indicates a strong sign of boredom. Picking lint off your clothes while talking to someone: This indicates that you disapprove of someone’s ideas and feel uneasy about giving an honest opinion. Stroking your chin while looking at someone: This indicates that you’re making a judgmental decision about this person. Touching your face during a conversation: This indicates deception, especially when you touch your nose or your mouth.
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• Propping up your head with your hands: This indicates boredom. Instead, place your hands on the table and keep them at rest. Wiping sweaty hands on your clothes: This indicates that you’re frantically nervous. Sitting on the edge of your chair: This indicates that you’re mentally and physically uncomfortable. Foot and finger tapping: This indicates stress, impatience, or boredom. Fidgeting with small objects: This indicates anxiety or a lack of preparation. Shifting body weight from foot to foot: This indicates mental and physical discomfort and implies that you’re ready to leave the conversation.
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• echnique #3: Delay Your Smiles and Maintain Eye Contact According to Lowndes, people don’t respond warmly to quick, instinctive smiles because they interpret them as impersonal—they assume that you’re flashing that smile at anyone you come across. This impels them to respond in kind, by acting detached or distant. Another behavior that puts people off, Lowndes argues, is a lack of eye contact. Others interpret it as a sign that you’re either distracted or uncomfortable, and this makes it difficult for them to form an emotional connection with you.
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• echnique #4: Pretend You’re Already Close Friends Lowndes suggests a way to automatically trick your body into sending positive signals: Pretend that you’re already close friends with the people you want to talk to. She argues that you only feel—and broadcast—discomfort when you’re feeling unsure about how others will respond to you. However, when you imagine that you’re already close friends, you remove this uncertainty and automatically feel more relaxed and comfortable around others.
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• Joseph Murphy (The Power of Your Subconscious Mind) suggests that you should first consider how you’d like other people to think about you. Then think about them in this way, regardless of how they behave. For example, if you’d like people to compliment you, then think complimentary thoughts about others.
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